LA and Lesbians
by Ziny-DiNozzo
Summary: ONE SHOT ....Meredith and Addison have a bit of a talk.... Set after the L.A. eps in Season Three kinda AU - Mer/Der in S3 never happened after he 'let her go' MERE/ADDIE LOVE FTW


**L.A. and Lesbians**

"How was it?"

"Huh?" Addison looked up from lone seat on a gurney in a previously deserted hallway, Meredith was leaning the wall next to her, "Oh, L.A. uh… It was nice, sunny, but not as relaxing as I thought."

Meredith frowned, noticing something off about Addison, "Are you ok?"

Addison gave a fake smile, "I'm fine."Meredith gave her a look, "Ok, I'm not fine. I went there to… My friend Naomi works there and she's a fertility specialist."

"You're-"

"Baron, it seems." Addison sighed and ran a hand through her red hair, "Damn it."

"Oh Addison…"

"It's fine." Addison lied,

Meredith didn't listen, she walked around and without really thinking she embraced the older woman.

"I'm sorry Addison."

Addison tried to push Meredith from her, but she couldn't, she broke down. "I wasn't ready with Derek, he wanted kids so badly, and I did too but I wasn't- I wanted a career first, and then he wasn't there and I slept with Mark and I couldn't have Mark's baby, he wasn't Derek, and now I don't have either of them and I'm too late, I can't have a baby." She started to cry, about a lot of things, repeating her lost chances, her abortion, losing Derek, losing Mark, losing her friends, losing her life.

"Maybe I should move to L.A." she sighed as she embarrassedly wiped her eyes,

"What?" Meredith stared,

"They have a place at the practice, I was offered it, maybe I should take it. Get away from it all; let you have Derek in peace."

At that Meredith snorted, "I don't want him." Addison's eyes snapped up, "Not anymore. After prom… I was ready to forgive him, to let him be my knight in shining… whatever. And I broke up with Finn, and then Derek… he broke up with me. He said he was letting me go. And eventually my true feelings came apparent, I didn't want him for him, I wanted him for what he represented."

Addison frowned and tried to follow Meredith's ramblings, "You didn't want Derek, you wanted McDreamy."

"Sort of." Meredith sighed, "I guess I was hiding. I've been hiding my whole life. Why do you think I pick up random and inappropriate boys in bars?" Addison searched for a polite way to answer, "It's not because I'm a whore."

Addison grinned sheepishly, "Why then?"

"I was proving to myself I could be straight." Meredith looked down to her feet, "When I was a teenager I started to realise I looked at the girls more than the boys, at the time I thought I was just trying to torture my mother, so I dyed my hair pink and focused more on my work. In college I thought I was just being normal, experimenting like most do. But in the back of my mind I think I've always known I'm gay."

"You're gay?" Addison exclaimed,

"Like I said, I was hiding."

"And this is why you don't want Derek; because you've accepted you're gay?"

"Yep. It's probably also why I wanted him in the first place. He's the perfect guy. Nice smile, funny, smart, a doctor, wealthy, charming. He's the good on paper guy. The dream guy."

"McDreamy."

"And I was hiding, and who better to hide behind then the perfect man?"

They paused just staring ahead at the blank wall.

"I should still move away from this." Meredith looked up at Addison but didn't say anything, "I see them every day. My ex husband, his ex mistress, and my ex lover."

"You are aware of who you're talking to, right?" Meredith asked,

Addison chuckled, "Right, sorry."

"Why do you want to get away?"

"Seattle isn't my place. I came here to get my husband back and I failed. Mark came out here to get me back and he failed. I don't belong here, I'm only here because of Derek, Seattle is his place. And maybe if I move, Mark will go back to New York."

"You shouldn't move away."

Addison looked at her, "Why not Meredith? What do I have here that's actually mine?"

"Your friends. You have Callie and you have Bailey. What does Derek have; an ex best friend, an ex wife, an ex girlfriend, and a colleague who refuses to be on first name basis with him."

"Then there's Alex." said Addison, ignoring Meredith's argument, "Alex was all Perfect Guy with Ava and when I tried to get something there he cut me down."

Meredith snorted, "You're going to leave just because you slept with Alex? If everyone he had sex with did that, half the hospital would be gone."

Addison laughed, "But there's also Pete, the crazy voodoo doctor who put needles in my face to make me cry." Meredith looked at her confused, "Acupuncture. He's the Alternative Medicine doctor at the practice I'm going to move to."

"And what does he have to do with this?"

"He's a good kisser." Addison grinned, "An excellent kisser."

"Either you're insane, or you're really feeble at reasoning decisions." Meredith laughed, "You're going to move to L.A. because some guy kissed you."

"Don't be ridiculous, it was just a kiss."

"You're the one who said it."

Addison groaned and hit her head back on the wall behind them, "God I need a change. A fresh start."

"No," Laughed Meredith, "You just need to get laid."

Addison glared at her, but sighed, "Probably."

They went into silence again.

"It sucks being a lesbian." Meredith said suddenly,

"Really? I always found relationships with women easier then with men." Addison pondered,

Meredith stared at her incredulously, "You're gay?!"

"Bisexual." Addison frowned, "What?"

Meredith shrugged, "I just guess with Derek and Mark and Alex I had you pegged as straight."

"Why does it suck being gay?"

"I can't just date. I have to worry about if I'll offend them or if it will make it awkward forever, and if they're gay or straight or if they're bi or butch or whatever. And I have enough shit about me going through this place without being the not so closeted lesbian."

"Fair point."

Meredith sighed but then looked at Addison more closely, "Are you really bi?"

"Yep."

"That really sucks."

"Why?"

Meredith was lost for words, she motioned madly at Addison making stuttering noise, before she went off into ramblings, "Because you're you! You're Addison freakin' Montgomery! And you look like Catherine Deneuve and Isabella Rossellini and you're tall and beautiful. With red hair and legs that go on for miles. And you're Derek's ex wife, you're forbidden! You're supposed to be straight! You're supposed to be straight so I don't delude myself into thinking I could have some kind of relationship with you past civil greetings and random comforting conversations in deserted parts of the hospital!"

Addison raised her eyebrows, "You want a relationship with me?"

Meredith avoided eye contact, and stared down the hallway, the complete opposite direction of Addison, "At prom, when we were dancing, you and Derek, me and Finn. I was looking at you. Derek was staring at me, but I was looking at you. And it hit me. That I was hiding, that I wasn't going to be happy with Finn or Derek or any man. And it was too much Addison."

"You left the floor. Derek left and chased you."

"I yelled at him. All I was feeling. That I should be happy with Finn because he as perfect for me and he had plans. I told Derek I really wanted to be happy, that I was trying to be happy with Finn but I couldn't breathe. He kissed me." She paused for a minute, "I was going to push him off. But I smelt something. I think it was your perfume. It was the best thing I had ever smelt, and I just melted. And I slept with him."

"And what?" Asked Addison curiously, "You got sucked back into the McDreamy charm?"

Meredith looked up, "Addison I realised then I could fall in love with you. And I have been. The only thing stopping me was knowing you wouldn't feel the same. Because you're Addison Montgomery, and you're straight."

"But I'm not straight." Addison murmured as she lost herself in Meredith's grey eyes,

"You're not." agreed Meredith, "So you can't leave. You can't leave Seattle because you have me. I love you and… well I'm really hoping you'll learn to love me too."

"Meredith…"

"No I'm not finished." Meredith cut her off, "I know what will happen, and I'm ok with it. If it means I get to be with you I can handle it. I can take a bit of whispering and gossiping and bitching. I can even take yelling from Derek, and accusations of being a whore. And Addison, if a kiss can persuade you to move to L.A. I'm really hoping a kiss can persuade you to stay in Seattle." Meredith cupped Addison's face in her palm, and pressed her lips softly to Addison's.

It was slow, and it was gentle, and to Meredith it was perfect. She ghosted her tongue over Addison's lips and received a small whimpering gasp, before she pulled back satisfied to find Addison breathless.

"Just… think about it. Please." And she walked away leaving Addison sitting alone on a stray gurney once more.

**Review!! i hope you like it :P**


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